QuoteOfTheWeek: “Remember its okay to cry, Remember its okay to not be okay. In the end its okay to not be perfect. Nobodies perfect, everyone uniquely different.”
Darkness, loneliness, sadness, and escape all words associated with what we know today as DEPRESSION! Welcome back all of my ArtofA followers as you may already know this post is about depression. What is depression? If you were depressed would you even know it? How do you cope with depression? Have you ever suffered from depression? Well, depression is “A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.” If you’ve suffered from depression or have ever been depressed please feel free to share your thoughts, solutions and your story. I must admit you don’t know what depression is until you’ve experienced it first hand.
Let me tell you guys about my experience and how I been getting through It. Honestly, I didn’t know what my problem was until I looked It up and discussed It with some people. It went on for about a week or 2. I knew I wasn’t right because all I wanted to do was be alone, sleep, and escape. When I say escape I don’t mean suicide I simply mean being in a space where there is no noise, no people, no problems, no obligations etc. just me and my thoughts. I would get this really high burst of energy than out of nowhere I️m sad and wanting to just curl up in a ball in the dark and cry. It was times I was crying and simply didn’t know why I was crying. It was really hard going through that time. I say it was hard because I️m such a strong person I didn’t want anyone to see or know the way I was feeling. I’d rather drown in my own sorrow than to seek help from the people that are close to me and could help me. Growing up I’ve always been a strong individual. I’d never want anyone to see me cry and I became really strong when I got diagnosed with cancer. I’ve never been the person to take my problems to anyone I would just really deal with them myself. I know it’s a bad way of thinking but I️m working on It. During that time I was tired I️ mean completely exhausted with life period. I️ also had kind of paused on blogging because I thought how can I write good content and I️m not good myself. I cant encourage, empower or inspire anybody else if I️’m not my full self one hundred percent. I was disconnected from moments in life that I should have been more connected to. Those days of suffering I didn’t want to get up, I didn’t want to eat, go outside or even talk to anyone. I simply wanted to be left alone fighting my own darkness.
I swear the whole time I was fighting my darkness I was losing left and right. It was crazy because, at one point, I thought I was getting better but it turned out to be my lowest time. I really wanted that escape this day and I thought if I turn my phone off, and sleep everything would erase itself. I was so down on myself, I was thinking negative, I was talking bad thoughts about myself, I felt less of, unwanted, unheard and most of all unloved. That day was the longest 24 hours of my life. I could shake whatever the devil had on my spirit that day. I am currently studying Psychology so to a certain extent I knew what to do to cure myself. I knew how to technically fix my own problems but I didn’t want to and my mind wouldn’t let me. That whole day I slept and cried off and on. I woke up the next day and literally forced myself to do the opposite of everything I had done the day before. I woke up at about 6am, I prayed, I cleaned my room, watched some funny shows because they say laughter is the best medicine. I even went outside and I walked with no destination. You could say I did reverse psychology on myself. I even felt better at the end of the day because I was actually doing something with my time.
I’ve now done a lot of things to better myself so that I don’t ever go back in that negative space. First I got this Journal and I write prayers, affirmations, and my mood daily. I write prayers because It’s my start of getting closer to god again because when my grandmother passed I slipped away from GOD. I then did the opposite of what I was doing. I wouldn’t sleep but encourage myself to get up, I would eat, I would try to find fun in my life rather than giving myself a pity party. I also recently just asked for help. I’ve decided to go see a therapist, I’ve only had one session and I know this is already a good thing for me. I’m putting in the work now to make me a better me. I have to so that I’m good, I’m able to enjoy life and blog for my loyal and amazing followers. I want to be happy not pretend to be happy because that’s no way of living. If you are one who suffers from depression GET HELP, you can even talk to me!!!! (My Email: AshaJames15@gmail.com) or DM ME ON INSTAGRAM(@realtalkwitha). You have a support system with me and I’m always available. Don’t be scared and afraid of what others will think and say. Make a decision to make yourself happy and then you go out and get your happiness. We’re all human and go through bad things. So accept it, Get Help and then being to move on and live your best life. Thanks for reading guys. xoxoxo
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